


Philophobia

by Moonshoes_Potter



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Erik is depressed, M/M, Minor Character Death, Prompt Fill, charles has ptsd, deaths are charles’s parents so it’s fine, it sounds sad but it’s super cute too i promise, trigger warning: alcohol abuse, trigger warning: self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 22:05:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13152969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonshoes_Potter/pseuds/Moonshoes_Potter
Summary: Based on the prompt:“Hi, for some reason I've been wanting to read something where Logan is a father figure to Charles (maybe he worked in the Xavier mansion and was the only one to ever pay attention to him? Or maybe Charles run away and somehow ended up living with Logan?), and he doesn't approve of Charles' new boyfriend Erik... Thank you!!” -via akasanata (Tumblr)I tweaked it a bit but you’ll still like it :)





	1. Guardian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry. this took a while to write and i posted it all at once so there might be some mistakes. bear with me. hope y’all enjoy.

Charles had always known Logan as “the Howlett boy” from down the street. He’d see him outside chopping wood, delivering newspapers, or, if he woke up early enough on weekdays, on his way to high school. Sometimes his stepfather would mention seeing him at the local supermarket. 

Kurt wasn’t exactly a father to Charles, but he was the man of the house and he provided structure. He kept Charles’s mother afloat after his father died. 

Then Kurt died too. Charles was twelve. It tore his mother apart, and this time she turned to alcohol. Bottles littered the floor of their house and front porch. Charles had to walk to school from then on. 

One day, as he was passing the Howletts’ house, Logan (who was in his early 20s now) ran out to meet him. 

“You Charles?”

“Yes, Charles Xavier.”

“Logan. Your mom’s been drinking a lot, huh?”

“Yeah… I guess,” Charles really didn’t want to talk about it, but at the same time, this was the first time someone had cared about how he felt in a long while. 

“Tell you what, if you need someone to talk to or just get away, come to my house.” Logan put a hand on Charles’s shoulder. 

“I… okay. Thank you,” Charles added, remembering his manners. 

“You walking to school?”

“Yeah. Darrell Junior High.”

“That’s like, three miles away,” Logan said, flabbergasted. 

“It’s not that bad.”

“Want a ride?”

“Yes, please.”

Charles was grateful Logan didn’t pester him like the other kids. It was exhausting and embarrassing to explain that he was late because his mother was passed out on the couch and too drunk to drive him to school. 

The first morning they met became somewhat of a routine with Logan and Charles for the next few weeks. Logan would make sure he was okay, give him a sandwich or some other foodstuff, and drive him to school without asking too many questions. 

Charles began to hang out with Logan after school. They would work on his homework (even though Logan wasn’t much help with the work, his presence encouraged Charles) and maybe get ice cream once in a while. 

Charles’s mother got worse. Looking back on it, Charles realized it may have been caused by his hours spent at Logan’s house instead of at home. She started throwing empty bottles. Not always at Charles, but it scared him all the same. So much in fact, that the one time Logan pulled a beer out of the fridge to drink while he watched Charles do homework, Charles couldn’t function. 

The fear in Charles’s eyes and shaking hands were immediate. He had just started to breathe rather heavily when Logan noticed and took action. He gently put his beer back in the fridge and went back to comfort Charles. 

“Hey,” He put his arm around Charles’s shoulders. “It’s alright. I put it away. You’re fine. I’m fine,” He repeated these words under his breath until Charles calmed down. 

“I won’t drink in front of you again,” Logan said softly as he moved back into his own chair. 

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Logan smiled warmly. 

Months of this passed. Charles spent most of his time at Logan’s house. He wished he could sleep there, but Logan insisted he go home every night. Charles always did, but the atmosphere there made him sorely miss their movie nights and eating takeout to celebrate whenever Charles did well on a test. 

Then, in mid April, Charles’s mother died. He didn’t have time to grieve, because the second he discovered her body he was swept up in the court case. Doctors blamed her death on alcohol abuse. Charles didn’t need an autopsy to know that. 

The problem facing them now was where Charles would stay. He had no living relatives. In trial after trial, no one could decide on where to put him. Then, on the day Charles had asked him for a ride to the court, Logan stepped up. 

“I’ll take him,” He announced. “I live next door and we’ve known each other for a while.”

“Your name?” 

“James Howlett. People call me Logan.”

“Charles, would you be alright with Mr. Howlett becoming your guardian? He would have to pass an examination to qualify, but would you like him to be considered?”

“Yes. There’s no one else I trust more,” Charles said, trying to contain his excitement. This was what he had been secretly hoping for, but he had known the chances were slim. Now it was actually happening! He beamed at Logan. 

Logan passed the test. The only slight hitch was that his house had one bedroom. When the examiner mentioned this, Logan responded with, “It’s alright, I’ll take the couch. The bed is too soft for me anyway.”

Charles fit all of his belongings into one suitcase and left his house for the last time, smiling at the large “FOR SALE” sign on the lawn. He had a lot of memories in that house, but the bad ones far outweighed the good.


	2. Renaissance

Logan received a weekly payment for taking care of Charles, which he put towards Charles’s college fund. 

“We don’t need it,” He said simply after Charles asked about it. “My job pays well enough for the two of us. We’ll take some out if something comes up but until then we’ll just save it.”

However, it was needed soon after. Charles’s issue with Logan’s beer bottles in the fridge was getting worse. Just seeing them there forced him to retreat to his room without even closing the fridge door. Even though he seemed fine after they were gone, Logan knew he needed help. So he used the weekly allowance to pay for Charles’s therapy. 

As the months turned to years, Charles dealt with his mental problems. They weren’t ever gone, but Charles could now tolerate Logan’s drinks in the fridge without issue, and they were working on being able to see someone drink in front of him. 

Charles was doing pretty well in school. High school was a bit more difficult than previous years, but he was a smart kid. He aced all his classes (except gym - that he passed with a B-). However, he didn’t have any really close friends besides Logan. Only people he sat near and talked to in class. 

At the start of his first semester of senior year, Charles went up to a quiet boy who was sitting by himself in science class. “Mind if I sit here?” He asked with a smile. 

“No.”

“I’m Charles Xavier.” He held out his hand. 

“Erik Lehnsherr,” the boy responded with a stiff handshake. 

“I wonder what we’re learning this year,” Charles said conversationally. 

“I think we’re doing genetics.”

Charles lit up. “Ooh, I hope so. I love studying mutations. It’s just so fascinating how one mistake in the DNA can save an entire species from extinction. Makes you wonder what would’ve happened if apes didn’t evolve feet or opposable thumbs. What would’ve been the dominant species? Who would-? Sorry,” Charles blushed. He was rambling? He never rambled except sometimes with Logan, who he had known for years. Why now, with a stranger?

“It’s alright.” Erik didn’t smile, but he seemed to have relaxed a bit. “They really are fascinating. I’m more interested in physics myself, but I agree, genetics are very cool.”

Charles immediately took a liking to Erik. He could tell that the other boy was afraid of something, because of his reserved demeanor, but Charles couldn’t quite figure out what it was. He suspected it had something to do with the fact that he always wore long-sleeved shirts and pants, even in heat. 

At the beginning of every class (they had history and art together too) they would engage in deep conversations. The topic depended on the day, but it was usually school-related. 

Erik didn’t open up a lot, but Charles didn’t mind. He was used to talking to Logan while not getting much in response. He was just glad someone was willing to listen. And if Erik did have something to say, Charles would always listen. 

Charles finally got Erik’s phone number three weeks into term. He had asked offhandedly as they were packing up to leave. Erik was a bit taken aback, but nevertheless he wrote it on the back of Charles’s hand in marker. His hands were warm.

Charles was giddy for the rest of the day. Logan noticed this before the black numbers on his skin.

“So who is it?”

“Who?”

“The person who’s got you so cheerful. The one whose number is on your arm.” Logan punched him lightly on the shoulder with a grin. “What’s her name?”

“ _His_ name is Erik. He’s a friend of mine.” Charles glared at Logan without anger. Logan raised his eyebrow, but said nothing more on the subject.

Charles went into his room and typed the number on his arm into his phone.

_Text Conversation with Erik_

_You: hey. it’s charles._

_Erik: hello. how are you?_

_You: not bad. have you done the science homework yet?_

_Erik: god no. i can’t understand a word of it._

_You: i thought you did? you didn’t do anything when the teacher asked for questions._

_Erik: one does not simply raise his hand in class. you’re smart, you don’t know._

_You: i do it all the time!_

_Erik: well i prefer not to._

_You: next time you don’t understand something, i’ll tell you or raise my hand and ask for you. deal?_

_Erik: yes. thank you._

_You: no problem. happy to help._

_Erik: could you perhaps help me with the homework tomorrow morning too?_

_You: absolutely!_

_Erik: thank you._

Charles tossed his phone onto his bed. He was smiling uncontrollably from thinking about the next day. Then he realized he still needed to eat dinner. He groaned and stood up. Why couldn’t tomorrow just come already?

Logan had made lasagna while Charles was in his room. He was already eating at the table and gestured to the plate across from him when Charles entered.

“So,” He said after Charles started wolfing down his food. “Excited for tomorrow? Got a date?”

“No, I just want to get to my homework,” Charles said through a mouthful.

“If you say so,” Logan smiled and took a bite. “So, I’m gonna have to work some more hours at the shop. Nothing huge, but after I got the brake lines on the car fixed we gotta make up for it.”

“Okay. I’ll take the bottles in after dinner, too.”

Charles attached the makeshift basket to his bike and loaded it with bottles. He didn’t mind that most of them were from beer, as it had been a month since he had last emptied the bin, though as he pedaled down the street to the grocery store he tried to stay upwind of the scent.

When he got home, Logan had left a note saying he was going to bed so he could wake up early the next day for work. Charles didn’t need a ride since the high school was closer to his house than the junior high, so Logan was able to miss their morning drives when necessary. Charles didn’t mind. Logan did his best, and that was what mattered.


	3. Meeting the Parents

Charles went to bed, then _finally_ morning arrived. As soon as his alarm went off, he got out of bed, threw on a dress shirt, dress pants, and a sweater vest. He combed his hair while brushing his teeth, put a piece of toast in his mouth, and ran out the door to eat on the way.

Erik sat at a table in the cafeteria by himself looking a little lonely. His face brightened when Charles arrived. He still hadn’t smiled since Charles met him, but the happiness was apparent in his eyes. Charles sat down and took his shoulder bag off, taking out the homework. They worked for half an hour, heads close together and eyes glued to the paper, until the bell rang and they headed up to class. 

After school, Charles asked Erik, “Would you like to come to my house after school?”

“What?” Erik looked up from his things.

“To work on homework,” Charles added quickly, clutching the strap of his bag.

“Sure. But I have to be home by five o’clock.”

Charles gestured towards the exit and started walking, Erik close behind. They were silent for most of the way there, occasionally brushing shoulders or pointing out a stray cat. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but a pleasant one.

When they arrived at the empty house, Charles remembered Logan was still at work. He sent Logan a quick text.

_Text Conversation with Logan_

_You: hey forgot to tell you, erik came home with me to work on homework. he’ll be leaving before 5._

_Logan: you didn’t tell me someone was coming over. this the kid who wrote his number on your arm in permanent marker?_

_You: it’s fine. i gave him the marker. when will you be home?_

_Logan: ill leave at 430 so i can give you guys a ride._

_You: thank you. see you then._

Charles rubbed his face and put his phone in his pocket, then took out his schoolwork. Logan kept true to his word and picked the two boys up after work. Erik was back to his usually quiet self, and Logan didn’t help much.

“So,” He said loudly after a few minutes of silence in the car. “What classes do you guys have together?”

Erik didn’t say anything at first so Charles answered for him. “Science, history, and art.” He could feel Logan glare at him, but he kept his eyes on the scenery outside his window.

“You like school?” Now Charles couldn’t help him.

“It’s alright.” Erik didn’t elaborate.

“Just alright?” 

Erik shrugged. “I’m not very fond of homework or talking to people.”

Charles could’ve sworn he heard Logan mutter _“Duh,”_ but shortly after he spoke at a normal volume, “How’d you two meet, then?”

“We sat together in science class.” Erik talked less and less as the conversation went on. After what felt like ten years, they pulled up to his house. Charles got out of the car without a word and walked Erik up to the door. 

“I’m sorry about that,” Charles said once they’d reached the porch. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He was being a bit of a dick.”

Erik said nothing. He swallowed. Charles hesitated, then made his decision and hugged Erik. Erik was surprised and didn’t move at first, but then he squeezed back. It lasted quite a long time. Charles guessed no one had hugged Erik in a while. As they drew apart, he thought he heard Erik sniff, but probably not. 

Charles got back in the car silently. He watched Erik look over his shoulder, then walk into his house. Charles kept his eyes forward after the door shut. 

“I don’t like him,” Logan said as they walked in their front door. 

“You don’t like most people.”

“You know what I meant. He seemed shady.”

“That’s just how he is around people he doesn’t know. He’s actually very kind.” Charles avoided Logan’s eye. 

Apparently Logan couldn't find a rebuttal to that, so he found something else to criticize. “I don’t know why he’s wearing a turtleneck and jeans. It’s seventy degrees out.”

Charles had a suspicion, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Logan. That was a first. “Maybe he just likes the heat,” he said noncommittally. 

Logan grunted but said nothing. He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Charles excused himself to his room. 

_Text Conversation with Erik_

_You: you doing alright? i know logan was making you uncomfortable._

_Erik: it’s fine._

_You: no it’s not. what’s wrong?_

_Erik: i just don’t like him._

_You: the two of you just need to give each other a chance._

_Erik: i don’t give people chances._

_You: you gave me one._

_Erik: you weren’t a dick to me when we first met. most people are._

_You: logan has his own way of making friends. he’ll warm up to you._

_Erik: i doubt it._

_You: very well. anyways, would you like to do homework again tomorrow?_

_Erik: Sure._

Charles turned off his phone and pressed it to his chest. He was lying on his bed in the dark. Logan called him to the kitchen for dinner, but he didn’t move. How could he make this right?


	4. Netflix and Sleep

Charles got out of bed and out of the house the next morning as quickly as he could. Erik was at the same table as usual, fidgeting with his shirt sleeves. The two of them continued homework as usual.

“But…” Erik asked after an explanation from Charles, “Why does this…” He pointed.

Charles knew what he was asking before he finished the sentence. “Well, it’s because-” They both froze. In moving to show him the answer, Charles had put his hand on Erik’s. He looked up into Erik’s blue-grey eyes, which were wide with panic.

Erik quickly withdrew his hand. Charles blinked and looked away. Then the bell rang and they went to class. They still sat together, but were not engaged in conversation like usual. Charles did not understand why Erik had seemed so tense and scared. It was awkward, sure, but Charles didn’t see any cause for fear. He thought over it that night, but didn’t come to any conclusions.

At the start of history class a day later, their teacher told them to get into pairs, so Erik and Charles spoke for the first time since the other morning.

“Erm… would you like to come over to my house again today?” Charles asked cautiously once they finished their work.

“But we don’t have any homework.” Erik furrowed his brow. At least he wasn’t averting his eyes like Charles was the sun.

“I know…” Charles coughed. “I mean… just to hang out.”

Erik inhaled apprehensively, but then he said, “Yes, I would like that.” Charles had to stop himself from sighing in relief. Instead he just smiled and stood to leave.

“Don’t worry,” Charles said as they walked in the door to his house, “Logan’s working late. He won’t be home until after six. Want to watch some Netflix?”

Erik nodded and sat down on the couch. Charles grabbed the remote and followed suit.

“Stranger Things?” Erik suggested.

“Er, no thanks,” Charles said cautiously. “I… have a problem with… alcohol.”

“A problem?” Erik’s expression was concerned. 

“Yeah… Seeing it makes me sort of freeze up.” Charles looked away. He had never told anyone this before except Logan and his therapist.

“It’s alright,” Erik said gently, “I understand. We can watch something else.”

They eventually decided on a movie and sat back to enjoy it. At some point, they must’ve moved over on the couch, because near the end of the film they were touching from shoulder to knee. 

They finished the movie and began the sequel. By the time they were halfway through, Charles was starting to nod off. He rested his head on Erik’s shoulder leaned into him. He felt Erik tense up a little, though he didn’t move. 

Logan found them on the couch in that same position when he got home. Charles bolted awake at the sound of the door, but not in time to miss Logan’s death glare.

“What time is it?” Erik asked suddenly. Apparently he had dozed a bit as well. 

“Six fifteen,” Charles answered, yawning and checking his watch. 

“I’ve got to get home immediately.” Erik looked panicky. Charles understood why; there was a slim chance of Logan giving him another ride or letting Charles borrow the car. 

“Take my bike,” Charles said. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I’ll just pick it up tomorrow.” Charles ran outside to get it. 

Once he had returned, Erik said, “Thank you so much,” and hopped on. Charles tried to ignore the tingling sensation on the spot where Erik’s hand has brushed his and the sight of him pedaling away. 

Logan stood in the living room with his arms crossed when Charles got back inside. “Charles, that kid is bad news.”

“I trust him.”

“You’ve known him for a month.”

Charles looked back at him defiantly. “I trusted you after one week.”

Logan ignored him. “I don’t want him in the house again,” he said with a pointed expression. 

Charles wanted to retort, but Logan had left the room already. He stormed into his room and fell onto his bed.


	5. ok this one is too sad to make a pun out of the title

At school the following day, Charles found Erik sitting at their table with his face red and his long sleeves strangely lumpy. Charles immediately asked him what happened. 

“It’s nothing,” Erik said quietly. 

“No it’s not,” Charles gently pulled Erik out of his seat and to the bathroom. Erik only tried to resist a little. Once they were inside, Erik tugged at his sleeves and said nothing. 

Charles put his hands on Erik’s fidgeting ones. Then, making sure Erik wouldn’t be alarmed, slowly pulled back his sleeves. 

The lumps were from tissues stuck in various places on his forearms. Charles peeled them off and put a hand over his mouth to restrain his gasp. Erik’s arms were ridden with thin lines of scars and cuts. Some were still bleeding. 

Charles looked up at Erik, who had his eyes closed in shame. “Why?” was all he could say. 

“Don’t…” Erik whispered. Charles guided Erik’s arm over to the sink, where he washed the blood and tissue remains off his arm. Then he took a first aid kit off the wall and carefully wrapped them in bandages. 

“Erik, why do you do this to yourself?” Charles asked once he was done and Erik had pulled his sleeves back down. 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Erik pleaded, his deep voice shaky. 

“Of course not,” Charles reassured him, “but you still should. Now tell me why you’ve done this.”

Erik shook his head. “It’s just… I feel like I deserve it.”

“No one deserves this,” Charles said, holding Erik’s forearms. “Why on earth do you think you do?”

Erik hesitated, then sighed. “It’s my fault my parents are dead, I can’t keep my grades up, and everyone hates me.”

Charles shook his head in astonishment. “You couldn’t possibly be to blame for your parents’ death.”

“They were killed because I didn’t go back in the house after getting out of the fire.”

“That’s out of your control. In dangerous situations, you should always come first. As for your grades, you are probably one of the smartest people I've ever met.”

Erik looked up at him, his greyish-blue eyes bright. It struck Charles just then how close they were, but he didn’t dare back away. “Really?”

Charles smiled sadly. “Of course. And not everyone hates you. I don’t hate you.”

“That’s not saying much. You don’t hate anyone.”

Charles almost laughed. “That’s true, but I like you more than other people.” Erik opened his mouth but said nothing.

The bell rang and they looked at each other. Charles gave Erik a sincere hug, then walked with him to class. He heard Erik sniff once when they sat down. 

Charles put his hand on Erik’s. “It’ll be alright. We can talk more after school.”

“At your house?” Erik asked hopefully. 

Charles bit his lip. “Erm… Logan doesn’t want me to bring you to the house anymore. I think it’s very unreasonable,” He added hastily, “But you definitely do not want to see Logan when he’s angry.”

Erik nodded, blinking hard. 

“How about your house?” Charles suggested. 

Erik shook his head. “Other people home today.”

Charles thought for a moment, then an idea struck him. “I know where we can go.”

After school, Erik returned Charles’s bike and they walked there. 

They finally arrived at the long white building and went through the double glass doors. Erik looked around at the lab with interest, then back at Charles. “Why here?” he asked over the sound of drilling.

“I have some friends here.” Charles leaned his bike against a wall near the door. 

The noise stopped. “Charles?” said a voice from behind one of the many contraptions. “Is that you?”

“Hello, Hank,” Charles called back. “I’ve brought a friend. Can we use the lounge?”

“Sure. Don’t touch the oven, though; it’s on.” The drilling resumed. 

Charles led Erik to a door at one end of the wide room and led him inside. He put a finger to his lips and they crept through the hallway, past a closed door with voices coming from behind it. 

They made it inside the lounge, which held a couple armchairs, a small table, a queen-sized bed, a mini fridge, and a door to a bathroom. 

“What is this?” Erik asked after he and Charles sat down. 

“Hank spends long nights in the lab, so his bosses provided a room for him. However, Hank never sleeps here; this room is unused,” Charles explained, “Hank lets me in whenever. I don’t usually need it, but now I think is as good a time as ever.”

Erik’s face was full of gratitude. Charles stood up and walked over to a cabinet, where he pulled out a chess board. “Want to play?” he asked, setting it on the table between them. 

An hour passed. They played chess and Charles redressed Erik’s cuts.

“Hey guys.” Hank peeked his head in the doorway. “Need anything?”

“We’re alright, thank you,” Charles answered as he finished wrapping the bandage around Erik’s arm. “Actually, we’re going to leave now.”

Hank nodded and closed the door.

The two boys walked to Erik’s house. They stepped onto the porch and gazed at each other for a moment. 

“Thank you,” Erik said, looking away. “I hate being so vulnerable, but… you helped me through tonight.”

“I only wish I could do more,” Charles fidgeted with his handlebars. 

“Just promise me you’ll be at the table before school tomorrow.”

Charles smiled. “I will,” he promised. Then, for the first time, Erik pulled him into a hug. They looked into each other’s eyes, and for a split second, Charles thought he saw something in Erik’s. Something he couldn’t identify. Then Charles broke the gaze and got on his bike, waving as he pedaled away.


	6. They Grow Up So Fast

“Where have you been?” Logan demanded as Charles walked in the door. The street lamps had just turned on. 

“At the library studying,” Charles lied, passing Logan to go to his room. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t think Logan would like it if Charles had told him that he and Erik hung out in a place like a hotel room with one bed and played chess. 

“With Lehnsherr?” Logan rounded on him. 

“So what if I was?” Charles tried to get to the door, but Logan blocked the hallway. 

“I told you—”

“You told me you didn’t want him in the house, so I didn’t bring him to the house.” Charles reminded him. 

“I don’t want you to talk to him anymore.”

Charles was shaking with rage. “I thought you wanted me to make friends.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Not like him! Other nerds that _can’t hurt you_.”

“Since when do you get to dictate who I hang out with?” Charles said loudly. 

“Since I care about you! I don’t want you to get hurt!”

“I can take care of myself in that regard, thank you very much.” Charles hissed. 

Logan glared but said nothing as Charles brushed past him to his room. 

Charles slammed his door and sat down on his bed. He felt his phone buzz and was surprised to see Erik had messaged him. 

_Text Conversation with Erik_

_Erik: what did you tell Logan?_

_You: i said we were studying at the library. he didn’t react well_

_Erik: are you alright?_

_You: i’m fine. are you?_

_Erik: i never am. but right now i feel a little better than i have recently._

_You: put more dressings on your arms before bed. don’t want an infection._

_Erik: i will. goodnight._

_You: goodnight._

As he lay down on his bed, Charles couldn’t help but imagine Erik making all of those cuts. Probably with an ordinary kitchen knife. Being in enough pain to just stand there and slice open his arms. Charles choked back a sob. He forced those thoughts out of his mind and fell into an uneasy sleep. 

Charles started leaving home early. Logan was shocked when Charles woke up before he left for work. When asked why, he responded, “Erik asked me to help him with homework before school.”

“I thought I told you not to talk to him,” Logan growled.

“Your instincts may be good, but they’re not perfect,” Charles looked up into Logan’s eyes with determination. “Erik is a good friend, and you have no right to keep me from talking to him.”

“I do and I will!” Logan shouted. 

“No you don’t,” Charles retorted at a normal volume. “You’re just afraid I’ll grow away from you and towards him.”

Logan was at a loss for words. As Charles slammed the front door on his way out, he heard Logan shout in frustration. Charles looked back at the window, but Logan wasn’t visible.

Erik noticed his discomfort the moment Charles sat down. He wasn’t smiling, and his shirt was untucked. This would look relatively normal to most people, but Erik knew Charles, and he knew what his appearance meant. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. 

“I’d prefer to talk about it later,” Charles whispered. Erik nodded.

They proceeded through the day in silence. Soon the end of class arrived and they met outside the school, sitting under a tree. Erik repeated his question from that morning.

“I had a fight with Logan,” Charles said incredulously, almost like he had just realized that’s what it was.

“What about?” Erik put his hand on Charles’s shoulder. 

“You,” Erik remained silent, and Charles couldn’t see his face. “Logan wants me to stop talking to you.”

Erik straightened when Charles looked up at him. “I see,” He said, removing his hand from Charles’s shoulder. “Well…” He stood up. 

Charles’s eyes widened and he got up as well. “What are you doing?”

“You said-“

“I said Logan doesn’t want me to talk to you,” Charles hurriedly grabbed Erik’s retreating arm. “I didn’t say I was going to listen.”

Erik’s eyes softened. “Since when have you disobeyed Logan?”

Charles smiled sadly and looked away. “Since I met you, I suppose.” He shifted his gaze back up. Erik’s eyes were glistening with that same something as back on the porch. He still couldn’t tell what it was. All Charles knew was that it made his heart clench and his face flush. They were so close together Charles could feel Erik’s breath.

Charles started leaning forward against his own will. Then his phone buzzed and he was forced to look away. “Shit.”

“What?” Erik tried to see what was on the screen.

“I have therapy tonight,” Charles groaned and silenced the alarm. Why now?

“It’s alright,” Erik sounded a bit disappointed, but also genuine.

 

“I don’t know if I can face Logan now…” Charles rubbed his face.

Erik straightened, his expression hardening with determination. “You can do it. I know you can.”

“You think?”

“I know. You’ve never given up. You never gave up on me.” Erik grabbed Charles by the shoulders. “Don’t start now.” Charles nodded. He gave Erik a hug and strode towards his house.


	7. it’s raining bc mood

From outside, Charles saw Logan’s car in the driveway. Strange. He usually wasn’t home this early. Nevertheless, he proceeded. 

As soon as he stepped in the door, Charles was hit with the potent and unmistakable smell of liquor. Not beer; it was much stronger. Immediately, Charles froze. He was 12 years old again. 

Erik’s words of encouragement rang in his ears. Slowly, Charles drew himself up and continued through the house. 

“Logan?” He called, but his voice cracked. The odor was almost overwhelming. He called again and this time he heard a grunt coming from the other room. Charles stepped cautiously down the hallway and opened the bathroom door. 

Logan was sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by bottles. He was awoken by Charles’s involuntary sob. He shouted something slurred and incoherent. The next thing Charles knew, a bottle flew past his head and shattered on the floor. 

He couldn’t do it anymore. Charles bolted out of the house and pulled out his phone. Without thinking, he called the first number he saw. 

“Charles?” the voice coming from the other side said. 

“Erik,” Charles breathed heavily but relaxed a little knowing Erik was on the line.

“Charles, what’s wrong?” Erik could tell from the sniffs and ragged breaths Charles was crying. 

“Logan’s been drinking,” Charles half-whispered. Then he added in horror, “He threw a bottle at me.”

“I’ll be right over.” And the call ended. 

For twenty agonizing minutes, Charles sat, arms wrapped around his knees, on the porch. He was not feeling better, as he could still smell the alcohol and hear Logan’s yells from his position. He hadn’t moved because, for one, he wasn’t sure he could. It had also started to rain. Charles rested his head on his arms and cried.

At last, Charles heard the sound of approaching footsteps splashing along the sidewalk. He looked up to see Erik, soaking wet and out of breath, running up the driveway. He got immediately to his feet and raced over to meet him. He flew into Erik’s arms and hugged him as hard as he could, burying his face into Erik’s shoulder. Erik squeezed back and put one hand on the back of Charles’s head.

“It’s alright,” Erik slowed his breathing. “I’m here, I’m here.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Charles sobbed, the rain mixing with his tears, “I don’t know what to do.”

Erik shushed him and they stood there in the rain for a while. The rain drenched their clothes, but the cold grounded Charles and he couldn’t smell the liquor anymore, so he didn’t mind so much. 

Once Charles started to feel a little better, he took a shaky breath and tilted his head up. Erik looked at him, examining his face. Charles smiled weakly. “Did you run all the way here?” He asked.

“I had to,” Erik blinked the rain out of his eyes. Or was he crying? “You needed me.”

Erik put one arm around Charles and walked him to the lab. They arrived while Hank was out, but the door was unlocked, so they went straight to the lounge. Erik sat Charles on one armchair and ran into the bathroom. He came back with a towel and wrapped Charles in it. He stopped shivering.

Charles wiped his eyes and sniffed. “I cannot thank you enough.”

“You don’t need to,” Erik pulled back one sleeve and revealed his healing cuts. “We’re even now.”

Charles waved the notion aside. “You don’t owe me for that. I only patched you up.”

“No, you didn’t,” Erik leaned forward earnestly. “Cut… cutting isn’t just something you do when you feel like it. It’s an addiction. I couldn’t stop, not until you… you cared.” He looked away.

“Erik, I had no idea,” Charles reached out for Erik’s hands and pulled him down to his eye level. “I only wish I could do more to help you.”

For the first time Charles had seen, Erik’s mouth split into a wide smile. It was contagious. Charles couldn’t help but grin back. “You’re soaking wet, half frozen, and you still want to help me?”

“Of course.”

Erik let out a short bark of laughter. It was a wonderful sound. Then he put his hands on the sides of Charles’s face. Just as Charles finally understood what that look in his eyes meant, Erik leaned forward and pressed his lips to Charles’s. 

It may have been cold and soaked with rainwater, but it was the best kiss Charles had ever had. Mind you, he had only ever been kissed a few times. As he pulled Erik closer, he decided that it wouldn’t matter; no kiss could possibly beat this one. 

One kiss turned to several. Charles ran his fingers through Erik’s soft hair. Erik’s breath was hot against his cheek as he kissed Charles hungrily. 

“I think I love you, Erik Lehnsherr,” Charles whispered between kisses. Erik pulled away abruptly, Charles’s hands still on the back of his neck. He looked horrified and untangled himself from Charles. 

Erik was breathing heavily. “No, no, I can’t.” He stood up and backed up a step.

“Erik, what-” Charles stood.

“I can’t…” Erik’s eyes bulged. He tugged at his sleeves. “I can’t.”

“Erik, what is it?” Charles’s eyes welled up.

Erik hugged his own chest and backed up more. “No… no, no, no…”

“Erik…” Charles slowly approached him. “Sit down, just tell me.”

“No,” Erik turned away. “I can’t, not again,” he mumbled and walked out the door.

“Again? Erik, I want to help you!” Charles rushed after him, but Erik was faster. By the time he got out of the hallway, Erik had left the lab.

Charles bolted outside and called after Erik’s retreating back, “Erik, stop! Please! I can’t do this without you!”

Erik halted, but didn’t turn around. Charles caught up to him and stepped in front of him. Erik’s eyes were down at his feet. “I need you, Erik. My home isn’t home anymore. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t have anyone else.”

Now tears were definitely rolling down Erik’s face. “I lost my parents.” He spoke with difficulty, “I can’t get attached again, or I’ll lose you too. Bad things happen to people I love.”

Charles moved towards Erik and grabbed his hands. “Bad things just happen, Erik. But having people to love makes life easier. You can’t push everyone away or you’ll have nothing to live for. And if something happens, we can work through it.” He kissed Erik again. This time it was soft and gentle. Erik’s lips were salty from crying. 

“I love you too, Charles,” Erik sniffed after they separated.

Charles chuckled and ran his fingers through his wet hair. “We’re a couple of idiots.”

“Yeah, but at least now we’re a couple,” Erik laughed shakily.

Charles was smiling stupidly. He set his forehead on Erik’s shoulder.

Erik’s grin faded. “What are we going to do?”

Charles sighed and stood up straight again. “I don’t know.” He couldn’t go back to Logan, but he also couldn’t leave him to stew in his own vomit and liquor.”

“Maybe we could go to the police?” Erik suggested, “The station’s not far from here.”

Charles nodded. They returned to the lab and took some money for the bus. Charles left a note before they left to stand at the stop. Luckily the bus arrived shortly after.


	8. Short and Sweet

“How can I help you?” asked the lady at the desk. She eyed them, most likely curious as to why they were so wet (the rain had stopped), but said nothing about it.

“My… my name is Charles Xavier. My guardian, James Howlett, is at home drunk. He threw a bottle at me when I got there after school, and I’m afraid to go there now.”

She nodded. “What’s your address?” Charles told her, then she typed it into her computer and said, “Thank you. You can sit out here if you want, or if you want to dry off we have towels in the nurse’s office.”

Charles and Erik went to the nurse, who handed them the towels immediately. Charles also requested he dress Erik’s cuts. They were both grateful that he didn’t ask about how Erik had gotten them.

They sat on the floor in the lobby, hands clasped. “Now what?” Charles asked. Was Logan going to jail? Where would Charles have to live?

“No way to tell for sure,” Erik said thoughtfully. “I don’t want to go to my house any more than you do to yours.”

“I wish we could just move out.”

“Well,” Erik looked back at Charles. “I have been saving up so I could leave. I’m finally eighteen.”

Charles’s eyes widened. “Do you have enough?”

“I do, but I don’t want to yet unless you’ll come with me.”

“Of course I will!” Charles beamed.

“It won’t be much, just a small apartment. And we’ll both have to get jobs.” Charles could see the gears turning in Erik’s mind.

“I have a friend who might be able to help get me hired where she works,” Erik grinned to match Charles, who added, “I’m beginning to like this plan.”

“I love you,” Erik kissed him.

“I love you, too.”


End file.
